Unblinding Myself – Vaccine Trial Tales

“Hi, this is Dr. X. I understand you have been offered the vaccine and would like to be unblinded.”

“Yes,“ I answered. “I have an appointment for Saturday.”

 

“Well, what group do you think you were in? The active vaccine or the placebo?”

 

“The placebo group,” I answered, without hesitation.

 

10 months prior, early in the pandemic, I had submitted my name to take place in one of the Covid vaccine trials. For months, I heard nothing and then back in August I got a call. They asked a million questions that I thought I failed because I had no diseases. Because I was not asthmatic, diabetic, smoke or suffer some exotic ailment. I worried I was too healthy to be accepted into the trial. I figured they wanted to test the vaccine on a range of people and I was not offering them much. But they discovered that I was on Thyroid medication and was Latinx and I had some exposure to the community from my then weekly trips to school to pass out devices. I was in.

 

During my first visit, I signed my life away by filling out pages and pages of release papers.  After a full medical evaluation, a nasal Covid test, and having my blood draw, I met with Dr. X. It was only then that the doctor explained the procedure to me:“2/3 of the people will get the vaccine. 1/3 will get the placebo,”.

 

“Great. May the odds be in my favor,” I thought to myself.

 

The nurse who came in to give me the shot asked me which arm I preferred. I offered up my non-dominant one, in case there was stiffness. I had been reading up on the effects of the vaccine, stiffness was one of them. I decided to voice them aloud.

 

“So, if I feel nothing, today or tomorrow, that means I probably got the placebo, right?” I asked.

 

“Oh no, it does not work that way,” he assured me, plunging the needle into my left arm. I sat for 15 minutes and felt nothing. The next hour, day, week. I felt nothing.

 

I went back 3 weeks later, more blood drawn, more forms to fill out and another shot. Again, 15 minutes, an hour, day, week, nothing. I have since returned to the same lab to have my blood drawn monthly. I assumed it was to measure Covid antibodies multiplying in my body, offering powerful protection, or it was to simply torture me as there is nothing in my blood, just regular, boring blood. I fill out a weekly Covid questionnaire on an app and wonder each time, what group am I in? Vaccine or placebo?

 

When my vaccine group, teachers, were recently called to get in line and I had a scheduled appointment, I was told I could be unblinded and find out what group I was in. After a few days of refreshing various vaccine sites searching for an appointment, I finally landed one. I then put in my request for unblinding. Would I need to cancel my newly treasured appointment?

 

Dr. X called me back shortly after.

 

“I think I am in the placebo group. I felt nothing,” I told her before she revealed my status.

 

“Yes,” she answered, “you were.”

 

Two days later I received the first does of a vaccine, the real thing, not just some sugar water. I felt it going in. And I felt it the next day. I could Barely lift my arm half way up my body. It was so stiff. Stiff with antibodies busily multiplying, offering protection. Stiff with happiness and gratitude.

2 thoughts on “Unblinding Myself – Vaccine Trial Tales

  1. First off, thanks for your service. Secondly, your slice is such a nifty peek into this process, with all of its physical, mental, and emotional ups and downs. I find the notion of ‘unblinding’ to be a fascinating one.

  2. What an interesting piece. You took us right to those moments. I was rooting for it to be the vaccine not placebo. I’m not sure why, since you were clearly in line for the vaccine in any case. Nice writing that had me rooting for you like that!

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